Responding

When responding to domestic violence situations, it is important to be prepared for the unexpected.  A responder needs to think of safety for him/herself first.  That means if you are not law enforcement and you are being called to address an incident, you must assess when and how to respond. If there is imminent danger, it is necessary to be escorted by law enforcement or to have law enforcement handle the situation solely. While there is common ground handling situations involving violence in the home, no two situations are the same.  From here forward,  I will refer to responding to domestic violence as a “call” or “call for service.”  Preferably a “call for service” because responders are there to serve the parties involved. Looking at one’s role from a service perspective versus any other view will provide an opportunity for a more positive outcome.  Domestic violence calls for service can be very dangerous.  Responders should make no assumption about who the aggressor or victim is. The victim may not always be female and the aggressor may not always be male.  Likewise, the parties may be of the same gender or can be adults or children. A responder should be prepared to address the situation regardless of who holds a given role.

As a responder you have been given training in what to do when you respond. Keeping in mind your training and state law requirements, you may be interested in providing additional key components that will enhance a positive outcome.  What are these components?  One component is resources and that means resources for all parties.  Everyone involved within a domestic violent home needs to be provided with resources.  If one organization believes they are the only ones to help, they are limiting who is commonly known as the “victim” from truly overcoming domestic violence. All parties are essentially victims and regardless of what challenge the person faces, resources are available. This includes the aggressor who can benefit from anger management classes or classes on effective communication.  Children can be provided with counselors or mentors (e.g. big brother, big sisters). The way a responder approaches the parties in providing resources will have an impact on how receptive the parties are. That is the reason a responder should take a service oriented approach. When people feel valued and feel as though the person they are is important and is separated from the behavior you see being displayed, they are more receptive to your offer of resources. They are also more likely to seek information from the resources you provide. For more in-depth information on how to respond and follow-up to domestic violence calls for service read: “V.O.T.E., Victims Overcoming Traumatic Events,” by Rebecca L. Mahan.

Understanding Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence is a complex subject. While many understand what it is, they do not understand the dynamics of it. Domestic Violence (DV) involves people who are involved in a relationship with another (in simplistic form) who engage in conflict that involves emotional abuse and many times physical abuse.  There is what is commonly known as a “cycle of violence,” with three phases. The Honeymoon phase, where everything is going peacefully; The Tension Building phase, where behaviors or ideas cause tensions to build; and The Explosive phase, where there is varying degrees of conflict based on the behaviors or ideas that caused tension. This stage can vary from verbal or emotional abuse to varying degrees of physical abuse.  Overtime, the cycle repeats itself, often increasing in intensity each time. This may happen because past conflict resolution strategies did not work. The cycle continues as each party tries to resolve the issue, though the issue is much deeper than the conflict at hand.

Those outside of the parties involved may not understand what is happening as the cycle evolves from verbal and emotional abuse to physical abuse. People may question why one of the parties doesn’t leave the other. The dynamics to this can be complex, but some of the reasons my include: commitment to the marriage or relationship, religious reasons, lack of financial funds, lack of support, not realizing resources are available and what they are, and even the belief that the person should not have to be the one to leave. There are many reasons people choose (knowingly or not) to stay in unhealthy relationships.

The goal is to see if we can help the persons involved (or ourselves) look at what is the underlying factor(s) causing them to stay in an unhealthy relationship and provide them resources to help address those issues. These issues are fear based. Can you think of a fear in relation to each of the reasons above? This is important for you to do because it will help you provide the right resources for the person(s) involved. For example, if it is financially based, you might provide the victim with information on state victim compensation or a local shelter.

Please leave a comment regarding fears that could be related to the reasons for staying listed above. In addition, please list a publicly advertised national or local (your area) resource. Please do not list any confidential resources.  Many people will benefit from your input. Thank you!

** *Please note- your comments may be used for insertion in a future book, article, repost, or other writing. ***

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Who Is The V.O.T.E. Program Designed For?

V.O.T.E. , Victims Over Coming Traumatic Events, is designed for law enforcement, those who respond first to, and those who can utilize the information, to move through and out of domestic violence and other traumatizing events. Because we are people, we have all been exposed to some sort of victimization or have been affected in one way or another by various types of trauma. For example, all persons who live in a domestically violent home are directly affected by it.  Imagine the couple who is involved one on one as a dot with a circle around it. Next, other household members are affected. Imagine these members outside of that circle, but having created an additional circle around the first. There are others in another circle outside of that one, which would be family members and friends close to the couple but not living there.  As the circles expand, you find law enforcement and those who respond first to domestic violence in the next circle, along with neighbors of the couple. The final circle around the couple extends to the community around them. This image can be used with other types of traumatic events. In essence, we all can be victims. This program will help those who face specific trauma and will be a tool for those that help them. Therefore, this program is designed for you!

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The V.O.T.E. Program

V.O.T.E.

Victims Over Coming Traumatic Events

What do you think about when you think of the word vote?  I think of many things, though three things come to mind- freedom, choices, and power.  That is exactly what the V.O.T.E. program is about.  It is about personal victories for all those who have been exposed to a traumatic event.  When I created the program, my original focus was on domestic violence.  Time showed me the techniques I used were applicable to many situations.  Without resources or knowing where to find them or even knowing how to use them, we can be left in a circle state of negativity. This negativity can have a very damaging effect to our lives and livelihood.  The outlook we have can have a direct impact on the choices we make.  V.O.T.E.  helps victims regain control of their freedom, choices, and power.  I am very exited to have the opportunity to share what I have learned and have the ability to help others.